My Random Blog

It used to be that I’d log on to my online account and be welcomed by annoying chain emails. Remember those? Pass this on to X amount of people or you’ll have X amount of years of bad luck? Who ever started those sucks. It got to the point where I was forced to issue cease and desist emails to everyone in my address book just to make it stop. And they have, mercifully, stopped. The only forwarded stuff I get now is fun stuff. No more chain emails. Hooray!

But, alas, this annoying-as-hell trend has moved to my cell phone in the form of text messages. Today I woke up to this product of genius (exactly as written):

Fwd:Fwd:A cat falls in a pool, a rooster laughs. Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a cock happy. Send to 8 people or have BAD SEX FOR LIFE!

I am not kidding. How f&%$ing STUPID is that?? What complete and total jackass created that and then decided that other people wanted to be on the receiving end of it? Now this doesn’t annoy the shit out of me simply because the whole practice of it is idiotic. It also annoys the shit out of me because I do not have unlimited text messaging. I have a certain amount allotted to me every month and when I go over that amount, I am charged per message. Since I hate talking on the phone- I text quite a bit. So when my messages are being wasted by crap- it kind of pisses me off.

So here is my plea to those who are in possession of my cell phone number: PLEASE stop forwarding me crap. No more gross photos (I am a woman and I know what a female body looks like- I don’t need extreme close-ups), no more “pass this on” or “forward this”, no more little joke messages, etc. We are not in high school. Those messages aren’t cute or funny, they are annoying. I hated that crap in my email inbox and I hate it more on my cell phone. So knock it off. Thank You.

Peace and legitimate text messages.

• Don’t ever give perfume, that you can’t stand the smell of, to a very close friend. I thought I was getting rid of it. I didn’t. It came back today, all over my friend, and gave me one whopper of a headache.

• Don’t get drunk with friends who keep video cameras handy. A few girlfriends and I were out at a bar and I was getting out of the booth (correction: I was trying to get out of the booth) we were seated at. Once on my feet, I managed to fall straight back and onto the floor. Because a friend had a video-taking apparatus handy- that moment will live forever.

• If your hair is really long- people will touch it. My hair is now to my waist. It got played with all night at work. I thought only pregnant women had their personal space violated. I was wrong. My friend Stacy even goes as far as to brush it. In public. But I let her because I love her and, for some reason, it makes her happy to do that. I’m sure to the rest of the world, we look like groomer monkeys.

• The right thing to do is almost always the hardest. Along with this I also learned that love, alone, is not enough. And that sucks.

• Just when you think your puppy is done chewing up expensive things you own- she isn’t. This also applies to things that other people own. Puppy does not discriminate. When I’m done here, I’ll be Googling up some replacement items.

• My nose will ALWAYS itch when my hands are full. And I will have to cough, or sneeze, only when I’m trying to speak.

• I will never know what goes on when I’m sleeping that causes me to look like a cracked-out version of myself when I wake up. I’m pretty sure it’s not that I actually am smoking crack. But again, I’ll never know.

And those are the lessons I’ve gathered up for the week.

Peace and comfy shoes.

I love books. I don’t love all books- but I love all books written by certain authors. Dean Koontz is absolutely my favorite. I’ve read every book he’s ever published and I will continue to do so.

I think one of the main reasons that I adore Mr. Koontz’s books is because of his love for dogs. (He has a definite love for Golden Retrievers, specifically.) The first book I ever read by him was Watchers. With that one wonderful story, I was hooked and I have never been disappointed. All of his books aren’t about dogs, of course, but the ones that do involve them are my favorites.

Currently I’m reading The Darkest Evening of the Year. The story revolves around a character who has devoted her life to rescuing dogs, and the way that they have been such a gift to her life. So I’m reading along and I run across this particular passage:

Following an awkward silence, he said, “Dogs’ lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you’re going to lose a dog, and there’s going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can’t support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There’s such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware it comes with an unbearable price. Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and for the mistakes we make because of those illusions.”

Then I look over at my own sweet, sleeping dog and I realize, for the millionth time since I adopted her, how much I am totally and utterly in love with her. She has brought so much comfort, laughter, happiness and joy to my life. And lately, that’s been a real blessing. Sometimes life sucks and sometimes life is hard, and sad, and complicated, and frustrating. But being able to share my life with this perfect, loving, innocent, fuzzy, little creature has made the bad parts so much easier to get through. When you rescue a dog… they rescue you right back. And she has, and continues to every day.

To me, dogs aren’t “just” dogs. They are thinking, loving, feeling, trusting beings with hearts that are unmatched by any other living creature. And I felt compelled to put my book down and write this post to express just how grateful I am for the little puppy that I get to share my life with. She is most special because if my friend Rachael hadn’t agreed to foster her, she would have been euthanized. From Rachael, she came to me… her forever home.

Ok, I’m thisclose to finishing my book… So I’m going to do that now. But first, I’m going to hug my dog.

Am I the only one totally grossed-out by Carl’s Jr. commercials? I am quite tired of watching people eat sloppy burgers like starving pigs. Is that supposed to be appetizing? Seeing people licking blobs of ketchup off their fingers, while their burgers ooze all over the place, has never made me hungry. And tonight, while over at YouTube, I ran across a video that perfectly illustrates my belief that those ads are nasty and a little vomit-inducing.

Note: Don’t watch this if you’re eating, thinking about eating, have recently eaten, or if your bladder is full.

New Kids on the Block are back?? WHAT? Okay, kind of. At least not NOW- but with the success of the reunited Spice Girls (which still confuses me to death), I’m sure they’ll give it a go too. This seems like the perfect time to admit that I do, in fact, have a NKOTB song in my music library. I even listen to it sometimes, when I’m drunk.

I PROMISE that I will get over this, but for now I must rant: Some jackass with an advertising blog tried to throw an ad for credit cards, or something having to do with them, in my comments today. I’m all for making money and if you’re doing that with your blog- high five. But keep that shit away from the fish.

There’s a spy satellite somewhere in space that’s out-of-control and hurtling towards Earth. It should be crashing late February to early March, and no one knows where it will land. How can you know about it in the first place, yet not have a clue where it’s gonna come from/end up? Oh, and did I mention that it weighs 20,000 pounds and is the size of a small bus? Uh, yeah. Pretty sure someone needs to start devoting a LOT more time to that bitch.

My beloved iPhone completely crashed today and I couldn’t even turn it off. I received a voice mail, listened to it, erased it- and then the screen went black. It seemed to have recovered about 10 minutes later. SO glad they got the kinks out before they sold it for hundreds of dollars. It’s ok though- I forgive them.

This happened Friday the 25th: In Madrid, Thomas Delgado, who was speeding, hit 17 year-old Enaitz Iriondo, who was riding his bike, and killed him. As if that wasn’t painful enough for that poor boy’s family, Mr. Sensitive is SUING them for the damage done to his car when Enaitz’s body hit it. He also wants them to pay for his rental while his car is being fixed. I am SO not kidding. He even told a local newspaper: “I’m also a victim in all of this, you can’t fix the lad’s problems, but you can fix mine.” Seriously? Wow.

I don’t know if any of you have ever been to the Rachael Ray Sux Community, but if you want to laugh (and you’re kind of mean) you should check it out. Personally, I don’t know Rachael Ray, so I can’t say if I like her or not- but those folks really, really don’t like her and some of what they write is seriously hilarious. Again, if you’re kind of mean, which I am. And I do have to admit that she annoys me sometimes, which is why I don’t watch her shows. But I’m sure she’s a very nice person.

And that’s all for today. Peace and comfy shoes.

So tonight at work was the usual… I actually had a very good night and a lot of laughs with co-workers who, well, make me laugh. However, working a Saturday night, in a place that has booze in it, almost always guarantees something random will happen. And it did. I give you: Drunk Woman and Beat Down Husband.

Drunk Woman, towards the end of her evening, thought it was a good idea to wander from table to table trying to take drinks from people (so that she, herself, could drink them). She also thought it was a good idea to try and make drunk-conversation with the poor people at those tables. Her opening line was something to the effect of, (drunk, slurred speech) “Have you ever been married?” The poor people would answer one way or another and she’d launch into how HER husband will never leave her. (Did I mention that he was following, sheepishly behind her, during all this?) She kept looking back to him and drunkenly boasting, “He’ll never leave ME.” To which Beat Down Husband said nothing. It got so bad that the manager had to call the police because she would not listen to reason, or leave. And it was painfully obvious that her husband had zero control over her. But while the cops were en route…

Drunk Woman sat herself at the bar, next to a single man who was sitting alone. He proceeded to buy her shots while Beat Down Husband stood, quietly, behind his wife’s bar stool, and watched. At one point, he did, meekly, ask her to leave with him, but she just yelled something about wanting a divorce.

Beat Down Husband then goes to a phone to call someone. (Cab? Friend? Intervention?) and THEN Drunk Woman starts walking out the front door with her new bar friend. Her husband/whipping boy sees this and what does he do? Walks out BEHIND them, without saying a word. She gets in the car with her new friend and her husband is left alone, in the parking lot. Are you KIDDING me?? And that’s all I knew until I left and saw the 3 amigos talking with the police, in the parking lot.

Wow. I can’t even wrap my brain around what that husband’s life must be like on a daily basis. That woman actually made Britney Spears look perfectly normal. And while I like to tie one on, myself, on occasion (about once a week, actually), I have never gotten the urge to up my cootie quotient by consuming the drinks of strangers, nor have I ever thought it would be fun to make the man in my life look like he kept his balls in my purse. I am guilty, however, of starting drunken conversations with people. The exception being that they are also drunk and are happy to participate.

So if I’m drunk in public, and I run into you, I will not steal your drink or pull my boyfriend’s manhood out of my purse (it’s not in there anyway). I will, however, talk to you about nothing in particular, buy you a shot and laugh hysterically.

Note: The links in this post open in new windows, so if you click ‘em, you won’t lose your place.

Pam Anderson, according to a blurb I heard on TV Guide Channel, may be getting divorced. AGAIN. Which led me to this thought: There seriously needs to be a rehab facility for celebrities addicted to marriage. I understand that marriage isn’t for everyone, and sometimes things just don’t work out, but come ON already. Stop marrying every person you get naked with.

Oh and while you’re at it… Stop making sex tapes! There’s a whole porn industry for that. Leave that shit to the professionals, people. If you’ve seen the snooze fest that is One Night in Paris, then you know what I’m sayin’. If you haven’t, then you’re lucky to not have the nightmares that I do.

The people in the Pepto Bismol commercials need mental help. I don’t care HOW much money I’m offered: I am never going to grab my butt cheeks, swing them around and yell “Diarrhea!” At least not until I’ve gone insane. Then anything goes.

I thought rabid PMS was just for women. Holy hotdogs was I wrong. I know that video has been all over the Internet since Britney started down the Froot Loop Highway, but it still freaks me out.

The Japanese are geniuses. No wonder they bring us such cool little electronic gadgets, and what not. Have you seen their game shows?? THAT, my friends, is creativity at it’s finest. I’d much rather watch a bunch of people do hilarious, ridiculous, and often painful things to win stuff than lose 100 pounds and eat bugs. Eat a giant cockroach and dry heave for 10 minutes or take a soccer ball to the face? There’s just no contest there.

And there’s my randomness for today.