My Random Blog

I’m lame. Let me just preface all the ridiculousness that will follow, with that. I know it, you’ll soon know it. I’m ok with it.

MySpace. When I first created an account there- I was addicted to it. I had tons of “friends”, put my shit out there for the world to see and was pretty shameless about it’s use. Thankfully, the novelty of that wore off and I stopped the abuse. Now my profile exists as a way to stay connected to friends that have moved away. Phone calls, texts and emails are all fine and dandy, but they don’t compare to being able to hop over to someone’s life in the form of photos, blog posts, bulletins, etc. Thanks to MySpace, I knew Ally was coming to town this weekend and- although she actually calls me when she’s here- I was able to plan accordingly. Not a big deal, but handy.

My profile is private, and only people I actually know outside of the Internet, have access to it. I log in every so often to look at photos (and steal them if I’m in them- ha!) and read random bulletins and blog posts. I’m over MySpace. I get in, I snoop, I get out. (I still fill out surveys though- but that’s a whole other Oprah show.)

Now, I have discovered Facebook. I think it’s been around longer than the other, but I don’t really know because it’s new to ME. And here’s where my lameness is about to be even more obvious: I am addicted to it. I have actively pressured my friends to join it, be my friend on it and learn to Super Poke.

Super Poke! Soooo stupid, yet soooo fun. Ya see… There is regular ol’ poking (getting a member’s attention) and then there is SUPER Pokin’. That let’s you do all kinds of hilarious virtual things to your friends. Stupid things, yes. But funny nonetheless. My gay boyfriend and I spent WAY too much time online yesterday Super Pokin’ each other:

I spanked him, he threw a chocolate cake at me. I trout slapped him and he sucker punched me. Then I bit him. I’ve also thrown sheep, sent flowers, hugged, drunk-dialed, body-slammed and used The Force on various friends. I’m honestly not sure what I’m actually addicted to- Facebook itself, or Super Pokin’. Lame. I know. I told you.

If you’re feeling silly (or lame)… go there and be free.

And there’s my randomness for the day.

Peace and social ridiculousness.

Need to express creativity + the attention span of a caffeinated flea + Photoshop = New header. Hopefully no one thinks it looks like crap.

Peace and goldfish love.

Two posts in one day. Rare but it happens. I have been visiting the blogs I visit and ran across a little typing test thing on Lady Banana’s Blog. So, naturally I fired up my fingers and tried it out. I think if you have a minute to spare, and you care how fast you type, you should check it out. Here are my results…

Peace and fast typing.

It used to be that I’d log on to my online account and be welcomed by annoying chain emails. Remember those? Pass this on to X amount of people or you’ll have X amount of years of bad luck? Who ever started those sucks. It got to the point where I was forced to issue cease and desist emails to everyone in my address book just to make it stop. And they have, mercifully, stopped. The only forwarded stuff I get now is fun stuff. No more chain emails. Hooray!

But, alas, this annoying-as-hell trend has moved to my cell phone in the form of text messages. Today I woke up to this product of genius (exactly as written):

Fwd:Fwd:A cat falls in a pool, a rooster laughs. Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a cock happy. Send to 8 people or have BAD SEX FOR LIFE!

I am not kidding. How f&%$ing STUPID is that?? What complete and total jackass created that and then decided that other people wanted to be on the receiving end of it? Now this doesn’t annoy the shit out of me simply because the whole practice of it is idiotic. It also annoys the shit out of me because I do not have unlimited text messaging. I have a certain amount allotted to me every month and when I go over that amount, I am charged per message. Since I hate talking on the phone- I text quite a bit. So when my messages are being wasted by crap- it kind of pisses me off.

So here is my plea to those who are in possession of my cell phone number: PLEASE stop forwarding me crap. No more gross photos (I am a woman and I know what a female body looks like- I don’t need extreme close-ups), no more “pass this on” or “forward this”, no more little joke messages, etc. We are not in high school. Those messages aren’t cute or funny, they are annoying. I hated that crap in my email inbox and I hate it more on my cell phone. So knock it off. Thank You.

Peace and legitimate text messages.

I haven’t been at the computer lately, as I’ve been out living my life and trying not to get arrested for it. (Ha!)

Been doing the usual, hanging out with friends (which naturally involves beer), taking care of my dogs and, of course… working. They’re changing our uniforms, by the way, to bullet-proof thick, long sleeve, black shirts. I expect that when Summer is back and it’s 110 degrees outside, I’ll be passing out like a teenager at a Beatles concert. I’m hot-blooded enough without wrapping me in polyester and baking me like a chicken. The air conditioner can’t keep up with all the running around I do. So hopefully I won’t die of heat stroke or something while I’m trying to remember some lady’s peanut allergy.

Onto the cool part I hinted at with my snappy post title…

I’ve always loved art. I love to sketch/draw and once upon a time I actually wanted to be a commercial artist. I later decided that I didn’t want something I loved to ever be something that stressed me out, or that I didn’t genuinely love doing anymore. So I kept it as a hobby and something that I do to relax. I’m blah blahing again…

I was over at YouTube today (are you shocked? of course you’re not) and was watching videos of drawings being created, using different mediums. It was there that I ran across something that I couldn’t take my eyes off of… It’s a fast-motion drawing of Evangeline Lilly (from Lost) and it so captured my attention that I felt horribly compelled to share it here. So… Here.

I’m off now to get ready to see my girl Jenn at work and have a beer. Or two. Ok three.

Peace and comfy shoes.

Today I decided to log into my MySpace account and read the silly bulletins that my friends post. They 90% consist of “surveys”… Which I find most interesting just because it sometimes gives me insight into the lives and minds of my friends. Other times it just makes me wonder about their mental health.

Since I was in the mood, I decided to fill one out myself. In the interest of leaving bulletin space for those who truly need it, however, I’m posting it here instead of there. Enjoy the inside of my head.

1. List two facts about the last person you kissed.
He’s hot. He’s very nice.

2. What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
Was I smoking crack in my sleep??

3. Do you believe there’s always room in your heart for your first love?
No. Unfortunately, he’s a douche.

4. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear?
Ummm… No. Oh wait- do boxers count? Then yes.

5. Where is the next place you will travel to?
Hopefully the beach. I need some ocean in my life right now.

6. Do you want to get married & have kids one day
Married, yes. Kids… I’ll leave that up to the maternal ones.

8. Have you ever kissed in a pool?
Of course. I highly recommend it.

9. Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
I prefer long hair. Short hair makes my head look big. Not a hot look for me.

10. Do you like ice cream?
Sometimes. I have to be in the mood for sweet stuff.

11. What’s your favorite color?
I have three (and interestingly enough- none are the colors of my blog!): Pink, black and silver/gray.

12. What does the last text in your inbox say?
“Hahaha me too!” from Jen.

13. Are you open about your sex life?
Open how? I don’t distribute photos or movies or anything. I do discuss it with my girlfriends though… That’s what we do.

14. Have you ever lied to protect someone’s feelings?
Yes. But only when it’s about something they are stuck with for a while- like a really bad hair cut.

15. Are you hiding something from your parents?
3 Playboys and a bag of weed.

16. Do you get jealous of other people easily?
Not at all.

17. What’s the best thing about having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Hugs whenever you want them and your, um, “needs” consistantly tended to.

18. How did you meet the last person you kissed?
I met him a few years ago at a restaurant.

19. Have you ever been asked “does size matter?”
Yes I have. And yes it does.

20. Are you of great importance in someone else’s life?
I hope so.

21. What’s your favorite saying?
I like big butts and I cannot lie!

22. Is there anybody that knows your deepest, darkest secret?
There are a couple of people who could take me down if they wanted to, yes.

23. Could you fit down your chimney?
I’m pretty sure no.

24. Who taught you to tie your shoes?
My mom, of course. Mom’s are fabulous.

25. Do you usually sing while showering?
I never do. I’m too busy hitting the walls with my elbows and cursing.

26. What’s something that really grosses you out?
Bad breath. If it gets in my nostrils, it- seriously- gags me.

27. What is the oldest person you would date right now?
40.

28. Do you stick up for what you believe in?
I put my money where my beliefs are. So I’d say yes.

29. Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now?
Not right now.

30. If you could go back in time would you?
I’d go back to the 80’s and totally rock a side ponytail and a Frankie Say Relax t-shirt, while doing “the Carlton” to Duran Duran.

30. Do you use your middle finger often?
Only when I am taking photos with Kendra’s boyfriend. It’s his thing.

32. What’s annoying you right now?
My eyeballs. Slept in my contacts again and now I’m paying the price.

33. Are you a really understanding person?
It depends on what I am trying to understand. Math? Forget about it. My friend’s date with the guy who licked her face? Totally.

34. How many people have you kissed in your entire life?
I’m a smoocher from waaay back, so I’d easily go double digits on that one.

35. Do you know anyone who’s addicted to any drugs?
No, thank God.

Today is my day off (yipee!) and I decided to fart around all day and do stupid Internet things. Where does one go to find stupid Internet things to do? Just Say Hi, of course. So here are the results of too much time and my desire to find out completely useless things about myself. I hope this helps give you a better insight into me and what’s wrong with me.

• How many 5-year-olds I could beat down if I had to:

23

I found this quite satisfying. Twenty-three 5-year-olds is a lot, considering they aren’t afraid to bite and pull hair. I’ve seen Children of the Corn and I’m ready.

• How big of a farging alcoholic am I really?

98%ALCOHOLIC

This test was based on knowledge of alcohol. In my defense, I was a bartender for several years. Not in my defense, I have pretty much consumed my body weight in most of the beverages in that test.

• Am I addicted to blogging?

57%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I thought I’d do worse on this and come out with a severe addiction. I was relieved to discover that I still do have a life outside of the Internet. Although it mostly involves heavy drinking and smacking down little kids.

• Could I eat my friends?

41%

Although 41% doesn’t seem like much, it still freaks me out that I am only 59% unlikely to snack on my friends. So if you happen to be my friend- and the end is looking near- you might want to get the hell away from me because, evidently, I can totally have you for dinner. And not in the fun way.

• Would I survive a zombie apocalypse?

36%

Well it’s nice to know that should I end up in a Michael Jackson 80’s video, I’m dead meat. This is due, in part, to me not owning a gun, a machete, or that I wouldn’t shoot my dearest-friend-turned-zombie in the head. (You’re welcome, dearest friend.)

So what have I learned about myself today? I’m an alcoholic, child beater upper, with a slight blogging addiction who will not immediately kill your zombie ass but will eat you if I have to. I wonder what zombie meat tastes like? I’d imagine old, rotten chicken… But that’s another blog.

Peace and comfy shoes.