My Random Blog

So I waited on some asshole tonight who pissed me off to the point where I came THISCLOSE to hitting him in his face with his menu. As I took it from him, I lifted it right past his face and over his head- as I rolled my eyes in plain view of his friends. Why? You ask… Because he was a fucking douche.

Here’s my thing: As a patron in the restaurant where I work, I am your server. I am not, however, your BITCH. I choose to be a server. I have the schedule that I want and I make good money. I love working with the public; I’m good at it. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I can be quite witty. (HA!) I am also very friendly and outgoing… in real life. I love meeting and interacting with new people. I want your experience with me to be fun and memorable. I was a bartender for MANY years- which I loved, but grew tired of… So now I’m a “server”. And while I still have the love for the job… my love for assholes has grown thin.

It’s par for the course to entertain an asshole or two; I’m used to that. But tonight’s douche pissed me off to the point where the Mexican/Apache Indian in me could not be held back. I was so pissed off by the way he spoke to me that I had to involve a manger in transferring him to another server. He (manager) ok’d it with a quickness because he’s seen me in rare form, and knew that it was the best thing to do- considering how pissed off I was. While I like to think of myself as an educated, public-friendly individual… I have been known to be quite violent when it comes to people who upset me enough. And I am proud to say that in 18 years in the restaurant/bar business, I’ve only physically injured one patron. (The rest were on my time.)

So the new server, Jenn, took over and Douche was just as rude to her. He even asked her if she was “nicer than the last one”. (Yeah- he meant ME.) And even went as far as to “inform” her that he could have both our jobs. Yeah…. He actually said that. As if it were true. It wasn’t. The only way he could pull that off is if he bought the company. Good luck asshole. It’s world-wide. And I rock at what I do.

That was my night. Completely kick-ass fabulous until I met Mr. King Douche Bag. Who is very lucky that I transferred him before I punched him in the throat and ended his love affair with oxygen. I hate to advocate violence- but being what I am made of… it’s in my genes. And I’ve NEVER been afraid to use it. But on another note…

I own my super cute car, carry one of several gorgeous Coach bags (I also have a killer Prada), wear designer clothes, have an iPhone, and and am capable of hacking you and your computer with just a few keystrokes….

I’m not beneith you because I am your server. I am probably smarter and better dressed than you, outside of my job. (If you’re an asshole.)

I will do everything I can to make your experience fabulous. I want you to be happy. I want you to come back. But if you disrespect me, I will not tolerate it. I’m no one’s bitch. Perhaps there are some 20 year old white girls who will put up with your shit, but this 34 year old Mexican will not.

I just hope I see him out somewhere… so that I can give him a new respect for the people who wait on him. He pissed me off that much.

P.S. If you’re a 20-something white girl… don’t hate-mail me. I’m just sayin’.

Peace and RESPECT YOUR SERVERS!

Edit: I just read this again and it made me cringe a little so I’d like to offer this piece of advice (and insight, interestingly enough): Don’t blog when you’re mad and full of beer. That is all.

Again. Today is the longest work day (night, actually) of my week and I am looking forward to it with all the excitement I usually reserve for a Brazilian wax.

Lucky for me- tomorrow is my Friday (as I am off Monday), so I will be having a lot of fun with my friends. That knowledge will be getting me through tonight without injuring anyone around me. Yipee!

I hope that those of you with “normal” jobs are enjoying your weekend. I’ll be back to blogging madness on Monday.

Peace and fun.

Ok, I’ve never been one to pimp products (except for things that my future husband, Steve Jobs, produces) via my blog, but this time I just have to.

I was so thrilled yesterday, that I was able to fix my computer and that it was alive and running well. After my post, I shut it down and went to work. When I got back home, I booted up only to discover that the same problems awaited me again. It booted up to the desktop wallpaper- then froze. No icons, no task bar- just frozen. I turned it off, rebooted in Safe Mode and re-ran CHKDSK. This time, instead of 8 1/2 hours, the process took “only” 3 1/2.

Once my system was working again (obviously temporarily), I went to work researching software that could really fix my problems. I don’t have hours to wait for my system to “repair” itself and then boot up. So in my quest, I found something called ErrorExpert. This is their blurb:

ErrorExpert helps identify and fix errors in the Windows Registry and optimizes the performance of your Computer.

Invalid file and system references can cause serious problems with your computer including system failure and frequent crashing. ErrorExpert will scan your computer for these invalid system references and file references.

Now almost all computer problems can be resolved easily and automatically!

This award winning software also includes advanced utilities that will remove any unnecessary toolbars, popups and unneeded startup items which slow down your computer.

They are not kidding. I downloaded and did the scan of my system. I was shocked to find over 1600 errors all over my system (90% of them in my registry). I bought a license and clicked the “fix errors” button. And I’ll be damned if it didn’t do just that. And FAST. Like 10 minutes or less fast. After the fix, I- reluctantly- shut down again for the night.

Today I was dreading starting up my computer. With a heavy heart, I waited while it went through the motions. I tensed up at the splash screen just knowing that it would be freezing up immediately after that. It didn’t!! It booted right up and everything loaded flawlessly. I was thrilled! SO thrilled, in fact, that I wrote the company to tell them how fabulous they are.

And I’m doing it again here because if you’re reading this, you have a computer, and therefore might at some point have it crash on you. If it does, and you know you don’t have a virus, you should definitely download ErrorExpert and run a system scan. It’s 100% free to do that. And if the program finds anything that needs fixing, it’s only $29.99 to buy a license and fix that shit. It works! They are not paying me to write this- no one is. I just thought my whole experience with that software needed to be shared. I am THAT happy about it.

Anyway- it’s also Wednesday- so I will be posting the usual right after this. I just couldn’t help myself.

Peace and kick-ass software.

Well, after MANY hours of trouble shooting, I discovered that I had a bazillion disk errors and corrupted files on my machine. How that happened, I have no idea. As far as I can tell, I wasn’t the victim of any viruses or the like. But there it was in my log file… A big fat mess.

Luckily, I was able to boot up in Safe Mode (as we know) and I ran a CHKDSK command, along with the “fix this shit” box checked. I restarted. Mind you, it took me several hours to even diagnose the issues, let alone figure out how to fix them.

EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS later- I let it run while I slept- my computer is back in action. And I am one happy ass camper.

I would like to thank my future husband, Steve Jobs, for creating the iPhone and therefore keeping me connected to every nerd forum online during this crisis. I’d also like to give a special shout-out to BleepingComputer.com for their invaluable information on the pieces of crap that are PCs. My next computer will be a Mac. I can promise you that. And while I’m doling out my gratitude… Thank you Marvin the Martian for sending my laptop happy, healthy Martian energy. It worked better than The Force.

Now I must shut down for a while and let my poor computer rest a while. It’s been through quite a battle. I’m, honestly, shocked that it works.

Peace and Martian energy.

It used to be that I’d log on to my online account and be welcomed by annoying chain emails. Remember those? Pass this on to X amount of people or you’ll have X amount of years of bad luck? Who ever started those sucks. It got to the point where I was forced to issue cease and desist emails to everyone in my address book just to make it stop. And they have, mercifully, stopped. The only forwarded stuff I get now is fun stuff. No more chain emails. Hooray!

But, alas, this annoying-as-hell trend has moved to my cell phone in the form of text messages. Today I woke up to this product of genius (exactly as written):

Fwd:Fwd:A cat falls in a pool, a rooster laughs. Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a cock happy. Send to 8 people or have BAD SEX FOR LIFE!

I am not kidding. How f&%$ing STUPID is that?? What complete and total jackass created that and then decided that other people wanted to be on the receiving end of it? Now this doesn’t annoy the shit out of me simply because the whole practice of it is idiotic. It also annoys the shit out of me because I do not have unlimited text messaging. I have a certain amount allotted to me every month and when I go over that amount, I am charged per message. Since I hate talking on the phone- I text quite a bit. So when my messages are being wasted by crap- it kind of pisses me off.

So here is my plea to those who are in possession of my cell phone number: PLEASE stop forwarding me crap. No more gross photos (I am a woman and I know what a female body looks like- I don’t need extreme close-ups), no more “pass this on” or “forward this”, no more little joke messages, etc. We are not in high school. Those messages aren’t cute or funny, they are annoying. I hated that crap in my email inbox and I hate it more on my cell phone. So knock it off. Thank You.

Peace and legitimate text messages.

• Don’t ever give perfume, that you can’t stand the smell of, to a very close friend. I thought I was getting rid of it. I didn’t. It came back today, all over my friend, and gave me one whopper of a headache.

• Don’t get drunk with friends who keep video cameras handy. A few girlfriends and I were out at a bar and I was getting out of the booth (correction: I was trying to get out of the booth) we were seated at. Once on my feet, I managed to fall straight back and onto the floor. Because a friend had a video-taking apparatus handy- that moment will live forever.

• If your hair is really long- people will touch it. My hair is now to my waist. It got played with all night at work. I thought only pregnant women had their personal space violated. I was wrong. My friend Stacy even goes as far as to brush it. In public. But I let her because I love her and, for some reason, it makes her happy to do that. I’m sure to the rest of the world, we look like groomer monkeys.

• The right thing to do is almost always the hardest. Along with this I also learned that love, alone, is not enough. And that sucks.

• Just when you think your puppy is done chewing up expensive things you own- she isn’t. This also applies to things that other people own. Puppy does not discriminate. When I’m done here, I’ll be Googling up some replacement items.

• My nose will ALWAYS itch when my hands are full. And I will have to cough, or sneeze, only when I’m trying to speak.

• I will never know what goes on when I’m sleeping that causes me to look like a cracked-out version of myself when I wake up. I’m pretty sure it’s not that I actually am smoking crack. But again, I’ll never know.

And those are the lessons I’ve gathered up for the week.

Peace and comfy shoes.

I love books. I don’t love all books- but I love all books written by certain authors. Dean Koontz is absolutely my favorite. I’ve read every book he’s ever published and I will continue to do so.

I think one of the main reasons that I adore Mr. Koontz’s books is because of his love for dogs. (He has a definite love for Golden Retrievers, specifically.) The first book I ever read by him was Watchers. With that one wonderful story, I was hooked and I have never been disappointed. All of his books aren’t about dogs, of course, but the ones that do involve them are my favorites.

Currently I’m reading The Darkest Evening of the Year. The story revolves around a character who has devoted her life to rescuing dogs, and the way that they have been such a gift to her life. So I’m reading along and I run across this particular passage:

Following an awkward silence, he said, “Dogs’ lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you’re going to lose a dog, and there’s going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can’t support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There’s such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware it comes with an unbearable price. Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and for the mistakes we make because of those illusions.”

Then I look over at my own sweet, sleeping dog and I realize, for the millionth time since I adopted her, how much I am totally and utterly in love with her. She has brought so much comfort, laughter, happiness and joy to my life. And lately, that’s been a real blessing. Sometimes life sucks and sometimes life is hard, and sad, and complicated, and frustrating. But being able to share my life with this perfect, loving, innocent, fuzzy, little creature has made the bad parts so much easier to get through. When you rescue a dog… they rescue you right back. And she has, and continues to every day.

To me, dogs aren’t “just” dogs. They are thinking, loving, feeling, trusting beings with hearts that are unmatched by any other living creature. And I felt compelled to put my book down and write this post to express just how grateful I am for the little puppy that I get to share my life with. She is most special because if my friend Rachael hadn’t agreed to foster her, she would have been euthanized. From Rachael, she came to me… her forever home.

Ok, I’m thisclose to finishing my book… So I’m going to do that now. But first, I’m going to hug my dog.