My Random Blog

What a great day! It’s 81 degrees outside, with a nice breeze, my gay boyfriend is cleaning my house (I hired him) and singing (hilariously) to digital radio.

I am also off tonight and am planning to go out later and have some fun. It is a good Friday indeed. God, I just wish y’all could hear Gay Boyfriend singing to the music. Complete with his own lyrics. It’s HILARIOUS.

On top of all the wonderfulness that is today- my aunt is bringing me a couple of fabulous photographs, that she took, that I fell in love with. SO excited!

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Peace and California Fridays.

(With words.)

What it all means:

1.) I drink a lot. Fortunately, I have friends to do it with. We like shots. My personal recommendation: Dirty Porn Star.

2.) My friend Jenn has a serious aversion to midgets. Another friend of mine actually offered her fifty bucks and free drinks all night to go with us to midget wrestling. Jenn wasn’t having any part of that. My crush said he wants to sneak into her room when she’s asleep and handcuff a midget to her so that when she wakes up, she’ll have no choice but to face her phobia and move on. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

3.) My friend Kendra is a snowboarding freak. ‘Nuff said.

4.) My dog still pees on the damn floor.

5.) Um, if you don’t know what that means, you’re either not a woman- or you’ve already let yourself go. lol

6.) It ain’t a city in China, y’all.

Wanna make your own? Of course you don’t… But here’s the link anyway: Big Huge Labs

Peace and fake magazine covers.

With my brain completely occupied with learning yesterday- I actually forgot what day of the week it was. It’s a good thing I have a job or I’d never know. Anyway- here is the picture that was meant for yesterday. I’m sure Fashion Paramedic is going to love this one very much. After all… what is more fashionable than a bright blue g-string bikini? And saggy butt cheeks?

Copyright © Jim Unger - All Rights Reserved

Today is my day off (yipee!) and I decided to fart around all day and do stupid Internet things. Where does one go to find stupid Internet things to do? Just Say Hi, of course. So here are the results of too much time and my desire to find out completely useless things about myself. I hope this helps give you a better insight into me and what’s wrong with me.

• How many 5-year-olds I could beat down if I had to:

23

I found this quite satisfying. Twenty-three 5-year-olds is a lot, considering they aren’t afraid to bite and pull hair. I’ve seen Children of the Corn and I’m ready.

• How big of a farging alcoholic am I really?

98%ALCOHOLIC

This test was based on knowledge of alcohol. In my defense, I was a bartender for several years. Not in my defense, I have pretty much consumed my body weight in most of the beverages in that test.

• Am I addicted to blogging?

57%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I thought I’d do worse on this and come out with a severe addiction. I was relieved to discover that I still do have a life outside of the Internet. Although it mostly involves heavy drinking and smacking down little kids.

• Could I eat my friends?

41%

Although 41% doesn’t seem like much, it still freaks me out that I am only 59% unlikely to snack on my friends. So if you happen to be my friend- and the end is looking near- you might want to get the hell away from me because, evidently, I can totally have you for dinner. And not in the fun way.

• Would I survive a zombie apocalypse?

36%

Well it’s nice to know that should I end up in a Michael Jackson 80’s video, I’m dead meat. This is due, in part, to me not owning a gun, a machete, or that I wouldn’t shoot my dearest-friend-turned-zombie in the head. (You’re welcome, dearest friend.)

So what have I learned about myself today? I’m an alcoholic, child beater upper, with a slight blogging addiction who will not immediately kill your zombie ass but will eat you if I have to. I wonder what zombie meat tastes like? I’d imagine old, rotten chicken… But that’s another blog.

Peace and comfy shoes.