My Random Blog

Since I’m off today, I decided to go out and abuse my liver LAST night. I worked, it sucked, then I went to bff’s work to have a beer and wait for her to get off work. Next stop: Fave Watering Hole. Woo Hoo!

We drank, we laughed, we played ridiculous music on the jukebox and laughed some more. This time I remembered to use the fabulous camera attached to my phone and took pics of the ridiculousness. Allow me to share a few of my favorites.

Oh yeah, and I totally hooked up with Vanilla Ice last night. I’m thinking that we’re gonna be friends with benefits. Which works for me, because I’d rather not keep hooking up with the ex. Now I don’t have to. Yay me.

Tonight I’m staying in, watching TV and re-hydrating. It’s 100 degrees outside and I have NO desire to be anywhere near that.

Peace and drunk bitches.

Just got home from work and thought I’d throw a post up.

The guy who fixed my mirror is officially out of the picture. I’m almost sure that blogging about a guy guarantees his immediate disappearance from my life, but I’ll keep doing it anyway. Although he was cute, and handy, he had dirty hands. They were also very rough. If I’m gonna get scratched when you touch me, you’d better be a chick with nails- not a guy with callouses. He also had a “white pride” tattoo that bothered me, although he swore it didn’t mean what I thought it meant. Um, ok.

I went out Friday night with my bff and proceeded to replace my blood with beer and Tuaca. I did meet another cute guy though. We hung out that night until the wee hours, we were gonna “hook up”, but didn’t. Thankfully. I saw him again Monday night. Still cute, but I kept getting this flashback of Vanilla Ice every time I looked at him. Although he does not share the weird hair that Mr. Ice did, or the ridiculous clothing, his face is very similar- especially his smile. Anyway, a few other friends showed up at Fave Watering Hole and everything else just kind of runs together. Not sure if I’ll see him again or not. Probably not, since I just mentioned him.

Anyhoo… I think I’ll be hanging out with bff after work tomorrow night. I won’t be taking shots, however, as that has been leaving me with nasty, unspeakable hangovers. Not to mention little missing patches of brain where memories should be. Monday night I thought it was a swell idea to mix every liquor known to man, as long as it had Red Bull in it. I do not recommend that.

I’m off to wash my towels now, as I’ve finally used them all and don’t want to have to shake myself dry like my dogs do. Maybe I’ll meet someone cute again tomorrow night. If I stick to my no-shots rule, perhaps I’ll remember him. Then I’ll blog about him, then I’ll never see him again.

Peace and guys who remind you of has beens.

Tonight at work was shitty. I didn’t make the money I usually do- but it’s cool; good days and bad days, blah, blah, blah.

I’m off the next TWO (count ‘em!) days and I’m going to have some fun. Sunday night I will hopefully take it a little easy since Monday is St. Patty’s. Monday I intend to drink my body weight in Irish Car Bombs and hope that when the cab driver asks me where I live, I’ll be able to tell him.

I’ll be back to blogging madness Tuesday- pounding head permitting.

Peace and

So tonight at work was the usual… I actually had a very good night and a lot of laughs with co-workers who, well, make me laugh. However, working a Saturday night, in a place that has booze in it, almost always guarantees something random will happen. And it did. I give you: Drunk Woman and Beat Down Husband.

Drunk Woman, towards the end of her evening, thought it was a good idea to wander from table to table trying to take drinks from people (so that she, herself, could drink them). She also thought it was a good idea to try and make drunk-conversation with the poor people at those tables. Her opening line was something to the effect of, (drunk, slurred speech) “Have you ever been married?” The poor people would answer one way or another and she’d launch into how HER husband will never leave her. (Did I mention that he was following, sheepishly behind her, during all this?) She kept looking back to him and drunkenly boasting, “He’ll never leave ME.” To which Beat Down Husband said nothing. It got so bad that the manager had to call the police because she would not listen to reason, or leave. And it was painfully obvious that her husband had zero control over her. But while the cops were en route…

Drunk Woman sat herself at the bar, next to a single man who was sitting alone. He proceeded to buy her shots while Beat Down Husband stood, quietly, behind his wife’s bar stool, and watched. At one point, he did, meekly, ask her to leave with him, but she just yelled something about wanting a divorce.

Beat Down Husband then goes to a phone to call someone. (Cab? Friend? Intervention?) and THEN Drunk Woman starts walking out the front door with her new bar friend. Her husband/whipping boy sees this and what does he do? Walks out BEHIND them, without saying a word. She gets in the car with her new friend and her husband is left alone, in the parking lot. Are you KIDDING me?? And that’s all I knew until I left and saw the 3 amigos talking with the police, in the parking lot.

Wow. I can’t even wrap my brain around what that husband’s life must be like on a daily basis. That woman actually made Britney Spears look perfectly normal. And while I like to tie one on, myself, on occasion (about once a week, actually), I have never gotten the urge to up my cootie quotient by consuming the drinks of strangers, nor have I ever thought it would be fun to make the man in my life look like he kept his balls in my purse. I am guilty, however, of starting drunken conversations with people. The exception being that they are also drunk and are happy to participate.

So if I’m drunk in public, and I run into you, I will not steal your drink or pull my boyfriend’s manhood out of my purse (it’s not in there anyway). I will, however, talk to you about nothing in particular, buy you a shot and laugh hysterically.

So today I have a wicked hangover, like I knew I would. And since I lack the energy to do anything even remotely productive, I’m watching VH-1. I’ve been watching it for about an hour and a half now, and I can actually FEEL my IQ dropping, dramatically. Luckily my brain cells are still soaking in Tuaca, so they don’t care.

First there was that Bret Michaels thing, version 2. He’s looking for love, evidently, with a gaggle of alcoholic, beat-down strippers. I was sure that this round would garner him hotter women. I was wrong.

Now there is Web Junk, a show dedicated to the stupidity, and often, hilarity that is online videos. I’ve only been paying half-attention to it, since I’ve been hopping around the Internet. However, one video that I paid attention to made me laugh so hard I scared my dogs. And here it is for your viewing enjoyment… Enjoy.

My Blog is finally finished! I decided to scrap the template I got online (that I had tweaked to death) and just made an entire new one. And here it is. I am SO glad to finally be done with the set-up and design and just get back to writing stupid things that you could live your whole life without reading.

I’m off to get ready now for my late Christmas with the girls. I plan to drink heavily and swear a lot, because the last few days have been such a pain in my ass. And my cures for an ass pain are Widmer, Tuaca (chilled), swearing and laughter.

Have a good night. I’ll be back tomorrow… Hangover permitting.

Last month, I emailed a CraigsList post to my friend Christina, and then forgot about it. Today she emailed me back and I re-read it. Having the same reaction to it that I did a month ago (I laughed), here it is:

TO THE DRUNK HOTTIE WHO FELL OFF MY MOTORCYCLE
Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST

I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn’t usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.

I don’t know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your’re just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn’t hit the asphalt or something worse.

I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.

WTF

Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your’re ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that….I really can’t begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren’t that drunk, but i suppose my “crazy-bitch o’ meter” wasn’t working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your’re not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.

Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.