My Random Blog

What the hell is going on with the lips of celebrities? More importantly- where the hell are the FRIENDS of these women, to tell them how fucking ridiculous they look?

This started getting on my nerves with Lara Flynn Boyle. I’ve gotten used to the fact that someone needs to tie her down and shove carbs up her ass, but when I saw her on the show “Las Vegas” with those over-inflated lips, I couldn’t stand to watch anymore. I cannot stand to watch anything with her in it. She’s way too small to have lips that big stuck to her.

The next time I was offended by a pair of face eaters was when I tuned into Boston Legal and got a load of Delta Burke’s face. What the hell happened to it? It, literally, took me almost the entire episode to realize who she even was! Is there really no one in her life who likes her enough to stage a plastic surgery intervention? Has no one taken a lesson from Joan Rivers? I can totally understand not wanting to be wrinkly and old, but come on. When you start looking like an alien version of yourself- it’s time to get some help.

I never thought I’d see this madness on Courney Cox. I guess no one is immune to the brain warping of Hollywood. She has not only done damage to her otherwise beautiful face by going overboard with the fat lip craze, she now sounds like she’s drunk when she speaks. Her lips just kind of sit there while her jaw moves around.

Last but not least… The woman who made this whole post possible… Last night, while watching Ghost Whisperer, I was visually assaulted by the “lips” of the once beautiful Nikki Cox. It was so distracting, not to mention repulsive, that I could not even tell you what the story was even about. I just kept wondering over and over again, how the hell Jay Moher LOOKS at her every day and doesn’t either laugh or cry?

The whole practice is just insane. Tweaking your face until you look like a cartoon character just doesn’t make sense to me. And how sad it must be to have no one in your life that will be honest with you. I can guarantee that if I showed up somewhere with lips twice the size of my head, my girlfriends would not hesitate to tell me to knock that shit off, AFTER they picked themselves up off the floor from laughing.

Peace and the lips God gave you.

I was just going through the spam in my Akismet filter, or as I like to call it: Porn Central, and ran across a couple of links that took me a little by surprise.

Now I’m no stranger to porn. I’m old enough to have seen my share of sex that real people don’t have, as well as some of what celebrities have put out there. (Pam & Tommy Lee… 2 thumbs up. Paris & Rick Solomon… Don’t ever do that again.) So when I’m scanning Porn Central, I’m rarely ever shocked, let alone confused. Today, however, two items got my attention. And since it is not an option for me to click their links to see what the hell, I will just keep wondering- but not before I share it with you:

One… What the hell is a “Foot Job”?? And two… Who’s out there with a hankering for a “Bitch Slap Video”??

I don’t think I really wanna know, but those were things that definitely had to come back out.

Peace and just the sex please.

I don’t know how I missed this, but I finally saw the remake of The Amityville Horror last night. I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as the original, mostly because I’ve seen some of Ryan Reynolds’ other movies and he didn’t seem the “leading man in a horror movie” type. Anyway, I really liked it and wasn’t at all disappointed (like I am with 90% of remakes). But that is not what I liked best…

How have I not managed to see Ryan Reynolds without his shirt on?? First, I’m watching the movie with interest, then comes Mr. Sexy Pants without his shirt and I’m suddenly watching with a whole different interest. I couldn’t even focus on the matter at hand, after that. I just kept hoping he’d chop more wood and sweat (which, gratefully, he did).

Mr. Reynolds, you will never read this- or know who the hell I am- but I want to touch your abs. Please and thank you.

Peace and unexpected hotness.

I haven’t been at the computer lately, as I’ve been out living my life and trying not to get arrested for it. (Ha!)

Been doing the usual, hanging out with friends (which naturally involves beer), taking care of my dogs and, of course… working. They’re changing our uniforms, by the way, to bullet-proof thick, long sleeve, black shirts. I expect that when Summer is back and it’s 110 degrees outside, I’ll be passing out like a teenager at a Beatles concert. I’m hot-blooded enough without wrapping me in polyester and baking me like a chicken. The air conditioner can’t keep up with all the running around I do. So hopefully I won’t die of heat stroke or something while I’m trying to remember some lady’s peanut allergy.

Onto the cool part I hinted at with my snappy post title…

I’ve always loved art. I love to sketch/draw and once upon a time I actually wanted to be a commercial artist. I later decided that I didn’t want something I loved to ever be something that stressed me out, or that I didn’t genuinely love doing anymore. So I kept it as a hobby and something that I do to relax. I’m blah blahing again…

I was over at YouTube today (are you shocked? of course you’re not) and was watching videos of drawings being created, using different mediums. It was there that I ran across something that I couldn’t take my eyes off of… It’s a fast-motion drawing of Evangeline Lilly (from Lost) and it so captured my attention that I felt horribly compelled to share it here. So… Here.

I’m off now to get ready to see my girl Jenn at work and have a beer. Or two. Ok three.

Peace and comfy shoes.

New Kids on the Block are back?? WHAT? Okay, kind of. At least not NOW- but with the success of the reunited Spice Girls (which still confuses me to death), I’m sure they’ll give it a go too. This seems like the perfect time to admit that I do, in fact, have a NKOTB song in my music library. I even listen to it sometimes, when I’m drunk.

I PROMISE that I will get over this, but for now I must rant: Some jackass with an advertising blog tried to throw an ad for credit cards, or something having to do with them, in my comments today. I’m all for making money and if you’re doing that with your blog- high five. But keep that shit away from the fish.

There’s a spy satellite somewhere in space that’s out-of-control and hurtling towards Earth. It should be crashing late February to early March, and no one knows where it will land. How can you know about it in the first place, yet not have a clue where it’s gonna come from/end up? Oh, and did I mention that it weighs 20,000 pounds and is the size of a small bus? Uh, yeah. Pretty sure someone needs to start devoting a LOT more time to that bitch.

My beloved iPhone completely crashed today and I couldn’t even turn it off. I received a voice mail, listened to it, erased it- and then the screen went black. It seemed to have recovered about 10 minutes later. SO glad they got the kinks out before they sold it for hundreds of dollars. It’s ok though- I forgive them.

This happened Friday the 25th: In Madrid, Thomas Delgado, who was speeding, hit 17 year-old Enaitz Iriondo, who was riding his bike, and killed him. As if that wasn’t painful enough for that poor boy’s family, Mr. Sensitive is SUING them for the damage done to his car when Enaitz’s body hit it. He also wants them to pay for his rental while his car is being fixed. I am SO not kidding. He even told a local newspaper: “I’m also a victim in all of this, you can’t fix the lad’s problems, but you can fix mine.” Seriously? Wow.

I don’t know if any of you have ever been to the Rachael Ray Sux Community, but if you want to laugh (and you’re kind of mean) you should check it out. Personally, I don’t know Rachael Ray, so I can’t say if I like her or not- but those folks really, really don’t like her and some of what they write is seriously hilarious. Again, if you’re kind of mean, which I am. And I do have to admit that she annoys me sometimes, which is why I don’t watch her shows. But I’m sure she’s a very nice person.

And that’s all for today. Peace and comfy shoes.

Note: The links in this post open in new windows, so if you click ‘em, you won’t lose your place.

Pam Anderson, according to a blurb I heard on TV Guide Channel, may be getting divorced. AGAIN. Which led me to this thought: There seriously needs to be a rehab facility for celebrities addicted to marriage. I understand that marriage isn’t for everyone, and sometimes things just don’t work out, but come ON already. Stop marrying every person you get naked with.

Oh and while you’re at it… Stop making sex tapes! There’s a whole porn industry for that. Leave that shit to the professionals, people. If you’ve seen the snooze fest that is One Night in Paris, then you know what I’m sayin’. If you haven’t, then you’re lucky to not have the nightmares that I do.

The people in the Pepto Bismol commercials need mental help. I don’t care HOW much money I’m offered: I am never going to grab my butt cheeks, swing them around and yell “Diarrhea!” At least not until I’ve gone insane. Then anything goes.

I thought rabid PMS was just for women. Holy hotdogs was I wrong. I know that video has been all over the Internet since Britney started down the Froot Loop Highway, but it still freaks me out.

The Japanese are geniuses. No wonder they bring us such cool little electronic gadgets, and what not. Have you seen their game shows?? THAT, my friends, is creativity at it’s finest. I’d much rather watch a bunch of people do hilarious, ridiculous, and often painful things to win stuff than lose 100 pounds and eat bugs. Eat a giant cockroach and dry heave for 10 minutes or take a soccer ball to the face? There’s just no contest there.

And there’s my randomness for today.

So today I have a wicked hangover, like I knew I would. And since I lack the energy to do anything even remotely productive, I’m watching VH-1. I’ve been watching it for about an hour and a half now, and I can actually FEEL my IQ dropping, dramatically. Luckily my brain cells are still soaking in Tuaca, so they don’t care.

First there was that Bret Michaels thing, version 2. He’s looking for love, evidently, with a gaggle of alcoholic, beat-down strippers. I was sure that this round would garner him hotter women. I was wrong.

Now there is Web Junk, a show dedicated to the stupidity, and often, hilarity that is online videos. I’ve only been paying half-attention to it, since I’ve been hopping around the Internet. However, one video that I paid attention to made me laugh so hard I scared my dogs. And here it is for your viewing enjoyment… Enjoy.