My Random Blog

According to What’s My Blog Rated? My blog is rated “R”. I’m not exactly surprised. Evidently they look for certain words and base your rating on how potty your writing is. The offending words, however, were not what I expected:

1. Shit - I say fuck WAY more than I say shit and it didn’t make the list. What the fuck?

2. Bitch - They found bitch 4 times, evidently. I do loooove my bitches.

3. Pain - Really? Perhaps they think I like a good spanking. Hmmm…

4. Steal - I’m confused by that one.

On that note, I was checking out what people type into Google that ends up leading them here. (Keyphrase and Keyword analysis, to my fellow blog nerds.) I haven’t tested them out myself, as I don’t want someone tracking my I.P. as I type freaky shit into search engines, but some of what got people here was interesting. If not a bit baffling. Below you will find my personal favorites:

drunk
lara flynn boyle up the ass
husband beatdown
prison personals
butt cheeks
best dick friend suck
why people jerk off in public
old lady bikini photo
hangover
I spank my gay boyfriend
old butt cheeks

Um, best dick friend suck? What does that even mean? And I don’t know who searches for “old butt cheeks” but that lara flynn boyle thing made me throw up in my mouth a little. At least drunk and hangover were right on the money.

Peace and Google abuse.

EDIT:

Just ran my blog through again and I am now going places.

I totally caved into “blog pressure” and signed up with EntreCard. I’m still trying to figure out what the hell it even is, or how exactly it works. However, until I know what I’m doing, I’m just whoring myself out on every blog with an EC widget. I’m a blog slut… but it’s ok because I’m letting other people be sluts on my blog too. Drop your card and, if you want to advertise on my blog, I’ll absolutely approve that shit.

I smoke too much. I have this love/hate relationship with smoking and I am seriously considering undergoing hypnosis to quit. I’m still in the “considering” stage, however, because what if he makes me bark like a dog every time the phone rings?

I am so excited about getting my new phone on Monday that I get little butterflies every time I think about it. This tells me that I need to find someone cute, STAT, and make out with him. Cell phones should never be the source of butterflies. Cute men, on the other hand, should.

I am curious about the other blogs that people who read MY blog read. If you’re reading this, won’t you be a peach and leave me a comment telling me what blogs you love to read? I’m feeling adventurous. If you leave a link, be prepared to be caught in my spam filter. But no worries… I’ll fish you out asap.

This chick cracks me up.

Peace and random thoughts.

As you can see, if you’ve been here before, I have changed my template. Again. I wanted a little more usable space and some top link buttons. I found the template online and tweaked the shit out of it. God bless Photoshop, y’all. The original template was nice, but didn’t look the way I wanted it to. Now it does.

Anyway- I’m still tweaking here and there, but for the most part, I’m happy with it. Hopefully I’ll remain happy with it because I keep forgetting how wretched fun it is to mess with code.

Brain hurts, it’s super late… I’m going to bed.

Peace and new, shiny templates.

Well, thanks to the suggestions offered by my reviewer at Ask And Ye Shall Receive, I have made some changes to my blog. Mostly it just involves cleaning up my side bar.

I have removed all the unnecessary crap and replaced it all with text links. (All but the Blog Catalog and Blog Rush stuff, obviously.) There’s now an About Me page and a little Award page, as well. I must admit, I prefer things the way they are now. I thought I liked all the images and widgets but, without the clutter, I feel better. Now, my blog looks neat and clean. Not to mention, it loads faster.

I also upgraded WordPress, thanks to the FABULOUS automatic upgrade plugin that (the also fabulous) Gina pointed me to. WAY easier than doing it manually. If you are using WordPress, with your own host, download it here and never have to mess with it, yourself, again. The only thing I had to do was re-activate my other plugins. Yeah- not hard. 

Peace and tidy blogs.

Holy shit. Since that was my immediate response to what follows, there it is.

There is this Web site in the world titled: Ask And Ye Shall Receive. The purpose of this brutally honest, no-holds-barred site is to review blogs that have been submitted by their owners. While the title of the site may not seem very scary- the URL of it gets more to the point: iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com.

Back in January, Trouble suggested that I submit my blog to Ask And Ye Shall Receive. I’d never heard of it, so I went over and checked it out. I was immediately terrified and decided that I would NOT, in fact, submit my little blog to being torn apart. However, I loved the reviews, as painful as they were to read. I can’t help but be attracted to people who are honest, smart, and write with a dagger. While I felt bad for the blogs that were “fucking torn apart”, it was hard to not like the manner in which it was done. However, I still wasn’t about to send my blog into that shredder.

Fast forward a couple of months. After a night out with the girls, and many beers, I came home and hopped online. Feeling no pain, and no fear, I submitted my blog to the shredder. Waking up sober the next day, I realized what I had done and have been waiting in anxious trepidation (is that redundant?) ever since.

Today I woke to an email from my reviewer. “You’re so brave,” it read, “I hope you enjoy it!” Deeeeeeeep breath. I, honestly, was dreading reading it. I closed the email. I opened it again. I did that several times before I realized that I was gonna HAVE to read it eventually. So I put my Big Girl panties on and went to my review.

The title of my blog sucks (I already knew that, though), I have too much shit in my side bar (I knew that too) and I could use an About Me page so people who wander in here know who they’re dealing with (I intend to create one). I’m just glad I took my Twitter box out before she got here, or I’m sure she would have tried to stab me in the face. It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, I was beyond happy with what followed. So happy, in fact, that I didn’t even care that my name was spelled wrong.

You can read my review here: You Can’t See Everyone Naked. And yes, I left a comment.

Peace and fierce women who kick ass.

I was doing some catching up on the blogs I love to read and while over at Lady Banana’s blog, I found something silly, yet interesting to do. Turns out you can take a short little quiz and it’ll tell you what gender you are- on the inside.

Now, I know that I am not a “girly” girl. I never have been and I never will be. I like to dress nice (no dresses), carry a nice purse and wear make-up. However, I don’t spend much time on my hair (wash, blow dry, done), I swear a lot, drink beer a lot, I’m not a very touchy-feely person, nor do I like talking about “feelings” or having endless gab sessions with my girlfriends. That’s why they have other girlfriends. I love sports, video games and all things electronic. I hate shopping, shoes don’t make me swoon nor do I have an overstuffed closet full of things I don’t wear.

Knowing myself like I do, I was prepared for my inner gender to be predominately male; that’s who I am. My mom even refers to me as “the son she never had”- but only when she needs furniture/home gym equipment put together, which I’m good at doing. And, sure enough, my results were just what I thought they’d be: My inner gender is male. I thought it would be interesting to dissect the description of my maleness.

“You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.” - This is true.

“You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.” - Very, very true.

“You truly don’t understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.” - Not exactly true. Although I don’t think that even God, Himself, understands most women, I understand the ones I surround myself with. Very well. I might not be all about my feelings, but I do have them, after all. As for being more comfortable around men- I’m equally comfortable with both sexes. I think it has to do with the whole “dominance” thing.

My results end with, “No doubt about it. You’re a guy - at least on the inside.” - Emotionally and mentally, to a certain extent, that makes sense. Physically- my uterus begs to differ.

If you’d like to check out YOUR inner gender, visit the Blogthings Inner Gender Quiz. You’re welcome, in advance, for the time that I helped you waste.

Peace and power tools.

Sunday night I meant to take it easy but, having barely anything to eat the entire day, that wasn’t successful. I woke up yesterday with wheat beer where my blood used to be and not feeling very spunky. Unfortunately for me, I had to go out and do it all again because it’s almost a crime not to on St. Patrick’s Day.

Oddly enough, it was last night that I ended up taking it easy. With drunk people all around me, I managed to pace myself and keep the shots to a minimum- which isn’t easy when you’re surrounded with friends who don’t know how hammered they are and who keep ordering shots. And while I did consume my share of Dirty Porn Stars (made with X Rated Vodka, citrus vodka and energy drink), by the end of the night, I was drinking water. Gratefully.

Today I’m recovering, trying really hard not to be sick, and blog hopping. Whilst over at Thinking Out Loud, I discovered that I had been given a Blogscar award! Yay me!

So I’d like to thank Natural Woman for bestowing my little blog with her one-of-a-kind award. It may not make my liver feel any less beaten down, but it makes me very happy.

And now, without further adieu… My Blogscar for your viewing pleasure. You may touch it if you wish, but make sure your hands are clean.

Peace, functioning kidneys and Blogscars.