My Random Blog

(With words.)

What it all means:

1.) I drink a lot. Fortunately, I have friends to do it with. We like shots. My personal recommendation: Dirty Porn Star.

2.) My friend Jenn has a serious aversion to midgets. Another friend of mine actually offered her fifty bucks and free drinks all night to go with us to midget wrestling. Jenn wasn’t having any part of that. My crush said he wants to sneak into her room when she’s asleep and handcuff a midget to her so that when she wakes up, she’ll have no choice but to face her phobia and move on. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

3.) My friend Kendra is a snowboarding freak. ‘Nuff said.

4.) My dog still pees on the damn floor.

5.) Um, if you don’t know what that means, you’re either not a woman- or you’ve already let yourself go. lol

6.) It ain’t a city in China, y’all.

Wanna make your own? Of course you don’t… But here’s the link anyway: Big Huge Labs

Peace and fake magazine covers.

MAN what an interesting last few days I’ve had…

Backstory: I had briefly dated someone a few weeks back, but stopped dating him because we don’t get along very well. That and he’s too intense for me. I work best with people who aren’t high-strung. Anyway- he and I didn’t work out. We moved on. Or so I thought.

Sunday night I’m at my fave little hangout with my best girlfriends and everything is going fabulously. I was flirting shamelessly with my crush, having a good time and then all hell broke loose. In walked the guy it didn’t work out with. And he had a very angry bee shoved right up his ass. Now I have NO idea what provoked him into the tantrum he ended up having- but I did learn that he’s completely crazy and in need of immediate mental attention.

Guy it didn’t work out with orders a beer, drinks it in under 30 seconds, then gets in my face and begins to yell incoherent things at me. All I managed to get from his tirade were something about me finding a “real man”, and “is this the way you want it to be”… All I kept thinking was: WTF is seriously taking place right now?? I hadn’t talked to the guy in weeks. Last time I saw him, he was out with another woman. Hence me thinking we’d BOTH moved on. So he keeps yelling at me, and when I’d finally had enough, I yelled back at him to get the fuck out of my face and go away. He did, but only after heading to the parking lot, where he proceeded to kick in my car window. I SO wish I were kidding. So then, I melt down and start freaking out.

I am very lucky to have kick-ass friends who care about me. The ones I was with jumped into action, took my car to a nearby gas station and vacuumed out my car. They managed to get every single piece of glass out. And because the window was shattered with such force- glass was EVERYWHERE. On top of them tending to me and my injured car, they pitched in and left money in my car to pay for a new window. How awesome is that? I couldn’t believe it. Tomorrow, my window gets fixed.

I haven’t heard from the asshole who broke my window since that night. I’m hoping I never do again. But if he gets near me or my property again, he’s going to jail. So hopefully he stays the hell away from me.

Other than the few minutes of crazy… Life has been fabulously fun. I’ve been hanging out a lot with wonderful people, have met new wonderful people and, for the first time in as long as I can remember… I have a crush again.

And that’s what I’ve been up to. Next up… work, work, a couple of art and web projects and more fun. Hopefully, no more crazy. I’ve had enough for one lifetime.

Peace and normal brain function.

So I waited on some asshole tonight who pissed me off to the point where I came THISCLOSE to hitting him in his face with his menu. As I took it from him, I lifted it right past his face and over his head- as I rolled my eyes in plain view of his friends. Why? You ask… Because he was a fucking douche.

Here’s my thing: As a patron in the restaurant where I work, I am your server. I am not, however, your BITCH. I choose to be a server. I have the schedule that I want and I make good money. I love working with the public; I’m good at it. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I can be quite witty. (HA!) I am also very friendly and outgoing… in real life. I love meeting and interacting with new people. I want your experience with me to be fun and memorable. I was a bartender for MANY years- which I loved, but grew tired of… So now I’m a “server”. And while I still have the love for the job… my love for assholes has grown thin.

It’s par for the course to entertain an asshole or two; I’m used to that. But tonight’s douche pissed me off to the point where the Mexican/Apache Indian in me could not be held back. I was so pissed off by the way he spoke to me that I had to involve a manger in transferring him to another server. He (manager) ok’d it with a quickness because he’s seen me in rare form, and knew that it was the best thing to do- considering how pissed off I was. While I like to think of myself as an educated, public-friendly individual… I have been known to be quite violent when it comes to people who upset me enough. And I am proud to say that in 18 years in the restaurant/bar business, I’ve only physically injured one patron. (The rest were on my time.)

So the new server, Jenn, took over and Douche was just as rude to her. He even asked her if she was “nicer than the last one”. (Yeah- he meant ME.) And even went as far as to “inform” her that he could have both our jobs. Yeah…. He actually said that. As if it were true. It wasn’t. The only way he could pull that off is if he bought the company. Good luck asshole. It’s world-wide. And I rock at what I do.

That was my night. Completely kick-ass fabulous until I met Mr. King Douche Bag. Who is very lucky that I transferred him before I punched him in the throat and ended his love affair with oxygen. I hate to advocate violence- but being what I am made of… it’s in my genes. And I’ve NEVER been afraid to use it. But on another note…

I own my super cute car, carry one of several gorgeous Coach bags (I also have a killer Prada), wear designer clothes, have an iPhone, and and am capable of hacking you and your computer with just a few keystrokes….

I’m not beneith you because I am your server. I am probably smarter and better dressed than you, outside of my job. (If you’re an asshole.)

I will do everything I can to make your experience fabulous. I want you to be happy. I want you to come back. But if you disrespect me, I will not tolerate it. I’m no one’s bitch. Perhaps there are some 20 year old white girls who will put up with your shit, but this 34 year old Mexican will not.

I just hope I see him out somewhere… so that I can give him a new respect for the people who wait on him. He pissed me off that much.

P.S. If you’re a 20-something white girl… don’t hate-mail me. I’m just sayin’.

Peace and RESPECT YOUR SERVERS!

Edit: I just read this again and it made me cringe a little so I’d like to offer this piece of advice (and insight, interestingly enough): Don’t blog when you’re mad and full of beer. That is all.

Again. Today is the longest work day (night, actually) of my week and I am looking forward to it with all the excitement I usually reserve for a Brazilian wax.

Lucky for me- tomorrow is my Friday (as I am off Monday), so I will be having a lot of fun with my friends. That knowledge will be getting me through tonight without injuring anyone around me. Yipee!

I hope that those of you with “normal” jobs are enjoying your weekend. I’ll be back to blogging madness on Monday.

Peace and fun.

Need to express creativity + the attention span of a caffeinated flea + Photoshop = New header. Hopefully no one thinks it looks like crap.

Peace and goldfish love.

Okay… Spammers have officially pissed me off and I am at the end of my proverbial rope. I’ve tested out several anti-spam plugins, but they weren’t working the way I wanted them to. So now I’m trying the WordPress included “Akismet”. I’ve heard both good and bad things about it, so I guess I’ll see for myself.

Since I am using Akismet, I will stop moderating comments in order to let it work, and do it’s thing. I will still be combing through the comments marked as spam, however- to make sure that nothing gets stuck that shouldn’t be.

If you leave me a comment, and it doesn’t show up, please feel free to shoot me an email and let me know. (corrina [at] myrandomblog [dot] net) I’m hoping this doesn’t suck because I’d really hate to start using CAPTCHA or some other kind of thing that causes my visitors to have to do anything but read, leave a witty comment and pimp their own blogs.

Peace and flaming crotch fleas to spammers.