Rehab for Everyone!
So tonight at work was the usual… I actually had a very good night and a lot of laughs with co-workers who, well, make me laugh. However, working a Saturday night, in a place that has booze in it, almost always guarantees something random will happen. And it did. I give you: Drunk Woman and Beat Down Husband.
Drunk Woman, towards the end of her evening, thought it was a good idea to wander from table to table trying to take drinks from people (so that she, herself, could drink them). She also thought it was a good idea to try and make drunk-conversation with the poor people at those tables. Her opening line was something to the effect of, (drunk, slurred speech) “Have you ever been married?” The poor people would answer one way or another and she’d launch into how HER husband will never leave her. (Did I mention that he was following, sheepishly behind her, during all this?) She kept looking back to him and drunkenly boasting, “He’ll never leave ME.” To which Beat Down Husband said nothing. It got so bad that the manager had to call the police because she would not listen to reason, or leave. And it was painfully obvious that her husband had zero control over her. But while the cops were en route…
Drunk Woman sat herself at the bar, next to a single man who was sitting alone. He proceeded to buy her shots while Beat Down Husband stood, quietly, behind his wife’s bar stool, and watched. At one point, he did, meekly, ask her to leave with him, but she just yelled something about wanting a divorce.
Beat Down Husband then goes to a phone to call someone. (Cab? Friend? Intervention?) and THEN Drunk Woman starts walking out the front door with her new bar friend. Her husband/whipping boy sees this and what does he do? Walks out BEHIND them, without saying a word. She gets in the car with her new friend and her husband is left alone, in the parking lot. Are you KIDDING me?? And that’s all I knew until I left and saw the 3 amigos talking with the police, in the parking lot.
Wow. I can’t even wrap my brain around what that husband’s life must be like on a daily basis. That woman actually made Britney Spears look perfectly normal. And while I like to tie one on, myself, on occasion (about once a week, actually), I have never gotten the urge to up my cootie quotient by consuming the drinks of strangers, nor have I ever thought it would be fun to make the man in my life look like he kept his balls in my purse. I am guilty, however, of starting drunken conversations with people. The exception being that they are also drunk and are happy to participate.
So if I’m drunk in public, and I run into you, I will not steal your drink or pull my boyfriend’s manhood out of my purse (it’s not in there anyway). I will, however, talk to you about nothing in particular, buy you a shot and laugh hysterically. 
